guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
