They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
