Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
