what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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