maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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