I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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