You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
