You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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