He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
