I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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