not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
