I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Panties = found
Randomize
