he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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