This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
