If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
