First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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