So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
