I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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