Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
