i wish my penis had a tongue
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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