So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
