I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
