ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
