Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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