Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
