Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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