Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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