Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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