we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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