You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We have so much sex to catch up on
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
