You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
