once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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