How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
