last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
