Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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