I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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