Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
