It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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