if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
