You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
4 words: hood of his car
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
