I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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