You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
