haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
