I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
