I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
