My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
