is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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