i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
