I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
