We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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